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June 3, 2012

Stages

It is rare for me to curse.  I have to be at some level of rawness for my tongue to get really loose.  I do a good job of keeping control even in stressful situations.  This weekend though has been somewhat difficult though.

I’m not sure why I’m thinking of my dad a lot here lately.  I get angry and sad at the same time.  Angry that he’s not here, sad for the same reason.  I’m not really mad at him at all, but cancer, stroke, cigarettes, etc; that took him from us.  Maybe that’s what is fueling my desire for change in my current health.  I want to be around with a great quality of life for my wife, our daughters, and Lord willing their children.

I ran across Relay for Life, hadn’t paid it any attention before but now I think that my desire to run might best be used there.  I could care less about speed or a marathon.  But being able to run means I’ve lost enough weight where my joints will be able to handle it.  It’s about a year out I think.  I’m shooting for 8-10lbs a month which should get me right at my target weight next year.

To my father: I miss you.  I wish the girls could have known you and that my wife could have met you.  We’ll all see you again soon, until then.

To cancer: fuck you cancer . . . fuck you.  I long for the day that I see your demise.  Whether we as humans find a cure or it takes until the end of the age when God wipes away all death and disease, I will see your end.

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