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April 21, 2009

Signs of wear

     So it’s bound to happen right?  I mean your favorite pair of jeans or your best sneakers . . . the more you wear them the more ‘worn’ they get.  Some would say that jeans aren’t really jeans until they’ve got a few days on them!  It’s easy to tell when a pair of jeans are getting good and broken in . . . a few white threads appear here and there; they get loose and more ‘custom fit’.  The bad thing is you know this is a reminder that you’ll have to go shopping again soon.  For as you contine to wear those oh so comfortable jeans you know those little white threads will turn into tears.  They’ll be come so bent that the seems will start to become loose.  Sooner or later as you continually get in and out of the car, work, play, whatever you do in your jeans you’ll eventaully have a hole.  Keep pressing and the jeans are practically useless . . .
     I think the same happens to us when we’re under stress.  I’ve noticed in the mirror and in my joints those signs of wear.  I think a lot of it has to do with the stress that I’ve allowed myself to carry.  I wish it was something as easy as telling someone I can’t do something but it’s got more to do with larger life issues that are not easily solved.  I’ve not played a real game in I don’t know how long which is typically my outlet.  I’ve not been able to do a lot of work on projects as I’m constantly distracted by someone that I have a hard time understanding.  We’re so foreign to each other I simply have a hard time believing that a person can exist in such a state.  One should expect this from a mother-in-law I guess.  She’s a nice lady and all . . . I just . . . yea . . .
     I’d love to say that my own mother is innocent in my wearing thin as of late but she’s just as bad. My brother is finally making good decisions for himself . . . doing what’s right and best for him for once and she’s getting upset. Oh she’ll deny it of course if she’s pressed . . . but I see through it. Mind you I understand her fear of being alone . . . I wouldn’t want to be . . . but this is what life is . . . the kids grow up and get lives of their own. Not that we forget where we came from or that we don’t love our parents when we’re older. But have a little consideration if your son is up to his eyeballs in Finals and he forgets to take something in the mail.
     I’m hoping my schedule will be changing soon at the office . . . it’ll have me out of the house at night which seems to be when things are so bad.  I honestly just want things to be quiet . . . oh for peace and quiet . . . but I won’t have it any time soon.  I feel sometimes like I need to run away from it all . . . I won’t of course . . . I’ll continue to find band-aids for the situation.  The tough part is that my fuse is so short as of late.  I’m in control enough not to take it out on anyone but I’m worried about the blurred vision, pains in the body, and hint of red & purple everything seems to be in as of late.
Things will change soon . . . they have to.

     In the mean time I take great pleasure in watching this . . . oh to have the body and the balls to pulls this off . . . one day maybe.